Discrimination

Renee – who is she, where did she come from, what is she doing here, why does she care, does she care, tell me more… tell me less… I don’t care

I am….

A filipino * An American * A young woman * A daughter * A friend * A stranger * A farang
* A college student * A child * A colleague * A mystery being revealed

Misunderstood * Arrogant * Ignorant * Confused * Amused * Energetic * Tired * Worn * Searching * Found * Overcoming * Just Beginning * Lovely * Overwhelmed * Excited *

* Filipino-ness - Pinoy

What does it mean to be a Filipino? To be honest I don’t know. Being in Thailand I think I have been confronted more than ever to consider this part of my being…. Being a Filipino. It is here that I’ve met more Filipinos than ever in my life – my coworkers, fellow worshipers, students and peers. All my life I have been Filipino but never before did it mean a thing.

When the teachers I work with discovered I am Filipino one of the first questions to bombard me was:

1. What is your father’s surname?
2. Where are you from in the Philippines?

It was confusing and frustrating… again the truth is, although I am Filipino I am 100% American. Now I am not trying to be arrogant but it is the truth it is the life, culture and way that I know. I grew up with my mom and half-sister (Both Caucasian – white Americans). So having people, what it seemed, judge me by such standards was so wrong and discouraging. Get to know me! Not my dad or my ‘tribe’!

When I was in 1st grade I had my first encounter where I had to stand up for this part of my blood, my DNA. Everyday during recess a black boy would always tease me saying, “You’re black! You’re black!” And in anger I would retort, “No! I am Philippines (the country!).” Even though I was certain I was Filipino and not black I didn’t know what that meant.

Also, being here in Thailand has introduced me to a part of my being that had remained a mystery for the last 20, 21 years of my life… this Asian-ness of who I am. It is here that I’ve learned maybe where some of my personality comes from that seems to stick out differently from the rest of my immediate family. It is also here that I have finally come in contact with my Filipino family, this January my father and his family finally took and succeeded in taking initiative in finding and communicating with me.

So am I Filipino? Yes… and, still, no.

* American - Farang

I have grown up in a white/Caucasian family. My sister and mom are definitely white. Even so it has never been a big deal, nothing that I’ve ever noticed. They are my family and I love them for who they are, not their melanin shades! It sounds funny but it is true.

Growing up people would assume that my sister was a friend of mine and would say to her, “Your friend (Me) can come too,” when she did something. We would just snicker and then break it to them that we were sisters. Other times Nina would be asked if I was adopted. Nope!

As a result of these “no-s” people became confused and older people, especially church people, would look down on my family, especially my mom, for having different dads/husbands at different times in our lives.

One cool and yet disturbing thing about my mixed blood is I get mistaken for being part of many different kinds of cultures. I am:

- Hispanic - Mexican - Native American
- Thai - Karen -African American

Many of you aren’t Thai, you’re Farang, like me and so maybe you can relate with the following. Although I fool people with my looks my once I open my mouth it becomes obvious that I’m not Thai.

* Discrimination happening within the family?
* Discrimination of gender
* How do I discriminate?