Messes... for a talk

I'm doing a 'talk' for my school's student mission's vespers th 19th of this month so here are some brain storms.

'Ear' Catcher: Falling in Love

Illustrations:

Dtoy saying I had ‘beauty smile’
During Thanksgiving two years ago I was headed towards Laos, a country north of Thailand, not to party, celebrate a holiday but to renew my visa… travel stuff. I was pretty upset and sick. My work hadn’t told me until a day before I needed to leave the country … a lot of unprofessional but I won’t go further into detail. Anyhow on beginning my trip I told god something I really wanted, someone, anyone who could speak English. God listened and gave me Dtoy. Dtoy was my taxi driver who took me to the bus station. On our way we had a conversation that went along the lines of the following:

“Do you have Thai friend?”
[What? A Thai friend? Oh! Boyfriend!] “No!”
“You want? Dtoy be.”
“No! Friends okay, no khap khun ka!”

Later on in our conversation he 'swooned' me with the remark that I had 'beauty smile'. It took me a little to understand… oh, I have a beautiful smile.
“Yes. Beauty smile.”

I fell in love.

Whispering, ‘Yah eh nah pado.’ to a girl
At the BBS the girls (and boys) and I had this little secret, a means of communicating our love:

“Teacher don’t love me” they'd say with an exaggerated pout and then walk away.
“Oh no!" I'd say, then I'd run up to the student and whisper, “Yah eh nah pado (I love you big)” then place my finger up to my mouth and say, “Shhh”
To which the students would whisper it to one another, me or just say shhh to one another. A secret that everyone knew.

Falling in Love

EIS student coming up to me telling me that I was loved
One day I was feeling discouraged as though no one liked me and I wasn’t making any difference. One of my students comes up to me and says something to the effect that, “Ma’am Renu (Renee) everybody loves you you’re so nice.” Goodness after he walked away I cried (I did that a lot). God had just confirmed that I was loved and was loving.

Loved

Message: I fell in love not with just one person but a whole country and it’s people… make it sound like a scandal. As SM not suppose to have any dating relationships, not recommended…

Called by God - Conflict – being called by God to be a chaplain
Dr. Paul Dybdahl’s ‘counsel’

Before I left for Thailand I was struggling with a number of things. One, leaving my friends and family. Many of my peers/friends would be graduating the next year, moving on, continuing life at school and I wouldn't be able to have a share in those experiences, this caused me a lot of worry and sadness. I loved them and didn't want to miss out on the excitment of school life. As I was struggling with this I was taking a course at school that's suppose to help prepare students for going as a missionary abroad. I decided that I needed to talk to my professor and see if he could help me resolve my pain.

During our appointment I told him that I was scared of leaving behind the people I loved, I was afraid that I wouldn't be useful. That my time volunteering would be a waste. His response was incredible, just what I needed. Perhaps divine. No, actually it wasn't that indepth at all. He told me that he wasn't a counselor, not accustomed to such things and then he asked me a question. If I were to tell you one thing that would help what would it be?

My response (to me) was that, "God is excited about your going overseas. It is His desire and want for you to be excited too. Bad will happen but even so you'll make a difference." It was a weird experience in that God was reaffirming his call to me through me.

Working with people such as cat & Heidi women’s role in ministry

Almost evey weekend I would go to the BBS and play with the kids, visit with the teachers and enjoy being away from Bangkok. During my visitations 'home' (as this place became my home in Thailand) Heidi and Cat came to some personal convictions as to their role in ministry as women. One of those convictions was that as women they shouldn't preach in church. Maybe taking this out of context, I again found myself torn. Literally following the Bible.

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent." 1 Timothy 2:11,12 NIV

"As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to peak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. ...for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church." 1 Corinthians 14:35,36 NIV

What hurt so much about this 'whole thing' was not so much that my mentors/friends had made this choice. But rather if there was validity to these verses being applied today why had God called me to do just the opposite - to speak out? These questions really put God to the test. Yet I repeatedly found myself being affirmed to chapliancy. How so? (Look at journal entries for this time)

Feeling qualified before, during, after

Reasons to go (mine):

Escape from my 'dirtiness' - those sins I thought I could outrun.

Ever since I can remember I have been tending an addiction. On arrival of becoming an adolecent and now as a young adult it has become obvious to me that my addiction is not healthy - physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. Upon leaving for Thailand I thought I was leaving behind my own nastiness-es. But no, even there my addiction followed me and continued finding momentary pleasure followed by immediate guilt.

During this time a friend of mine sent me a Christmas package. One of the many things included was a book that indirectly/directly addressed my addiction. Diving deeper into the book I realized (read my journal). All this occurred while I was at my home (BBS). A student from a nearby college came and visited for awhile. One afternoon, during the student's usual Bible study time he began to put some salt on my wounds (so to speak). Meaning, without knowing it, he asked me questions that dealt with my relationship with God and how my addiction seperated me from him. Not knowing how to answer his questions, not wanting too... and feeling that he didn't know what he was asking I began to mourn. My mourning was silent but ended with a mess in my hands. Embarassed, wanting to escape and having no clue how to react I ran down to the village's river.

In tears and a runny nose I stood in the shallow water of the river. Washing my arms and my calves. Thinking about the dirtiness of the water, then of Naaman in the Jordan, then of God's grace and desire to cleanse me. With that thought I washing my whole self. Then returned to the school wet but assured that God could and did accept me as I am. But would not leave me as I was.

Insect illustrations

- find direction for life
- escaping monotony of college studying… too much
- experience from short-term mission trip
- timing

missionary missioned to….

How did my short-term mission trip influence by decision to SM