Tomorrow... last day. Whoa. It hasn't quite hit me. I'm beginning to say my goodbyes to the kids. Most of them probably don't know I'm leaving... so in someways I feel guilty. But I hate goodbyes. Who knows perhaps we'll meet again (apparently this world is a small place).

Yesterday I felt how one responds to injustice. In someways what happened was a 'simple' thing. I realize that I hold our students here at school up to high expectations and standards. I was going up to my office and took the elevator. On my way up I noticed two girls quickly jotting down multiple choice answers for a test. I asked, what is that? Nothing. Again in my persistence. What is that? I then asked the girls to step out of the office and give me their cheat sheet, their names and their teacher's names.

I felt upset not so much that they would cheat but that they would be so foolish as to do it right in front of me. There is still so much that I don't understand about this culture. But will I let that destroy my love for this place? I hope not.

My friends and and I are up to no good. That is fun. We are going to be throwing a bachalorettes party. Sweet underware and other fun stuff. But shhhh! don't tell anyone. I hope it doesn't leak out what we are up to.

What Is Up

A lot is happening right now. School years' are coming to a close while others are just beginning. I am transitioning, I think, from one job to another. This summer I am going to continue working in Thailand but at another school. It is much different then Ekamai International School. It is a combination of language school, orphanage, village clinic, worship/church area, home. I find that I have a number of feelings arising - anxiety, excitment, discouragment and happiness, to name a few.

About August, the middle or end, I'm thinking of coming home and returning to College to finish up my education. This to scares me... trying to get back into the routine and discipline of learning academically. I think about that and also friendships, job oppertunities, getting back into the American culture.

I am afraid that it'll be all to easy to revert back to life as before. Taking things more for granted. And I am afraid that I'll never return to Thailand. I love it here... I really do. Sometime I am hurt, misunderstood and critized for my love. I want to give it up. Yesterday I was reading a book about a man whose church was struggling over whether to let him continue his ministry in their church (he was the pastor). And although it was fictitious I loved his response. He said something along the lines that... he felt God called him for this work. If God wanted him to leave then that would happen. He also mentioned that God's way isn't easy, burdenless.. It isn't predictable and comfortable. It may mean suffering and persucution but it is His way nonetheless and worthy to be trod... because it is God's way. I don't know what will happen. In someways I hardly know what has begun. I sound to philosophical so before it hurts I'll close my letter. Thank you for listening and reading. I hope you are doing well.

Sweet Hope Warrior,

I think I am homesick for heaven. Sometimes I just yearn to leave where I am, I usually think that turning to America, Walla Walla or Hoquiam would do. But even there I would be homesick for something. I never reckoned before that it could be heaven but then one of my friends mentioned heaven.

I am still so "American" I love it and yet at the same time resent this part of me. I struggle with realizing that a collectivistic culture and attitude it possible, acceptable and a reality for so many. Sometimes I truly miss individualism and other times I wish it wouldn't be so obvious in my own being. This morning my friend (Ma'am) Shelly had to tell her class we couldn't go on a field trip because the students weren't wearing their school uniform. Apparently it misrepresents Thai people, the Senior class and Ekamai International School. My thought is do businesses really look at whether a group of kids are in uniform or not? I don't know. It would totally mind boogle some people here if our school was even more 'Americanized' and didn't have uniforms... that would definetely be the day.

Mad Dog

If you have ever walked the streets of Bangkok (or Thailand for that matter) you would noticed there is a high population of dogs. Mangy, dirty dogs. I'm not much of a dog lover so I notice these creatures with somewhat of disgust. Yet it is they who have taught me some incredible lessons - one which I will share with you.

On one of the nearby sois there is this dog that is 'vicsious'. My friends are scared of it because when they go jogging by it barks and attempts to nip/bite at their ankles. I have been forwarned to always carry a rock or pretend to carry something that I can throw at this dog when I walk by. Well one night I walked home down this soi and at first had no worries of 'mad dog' (that's what I'll call 'him'). Then he jumped out (from where?) and began growling lowly and approached me aggresively. Instead of running I slowed to a stop, lowered my hand with my palm in the air and let 'mad dog' smell me. After realizing I wasn't so threatening after all I was able to pet this dog.

I've continued to do this with this 'pup'. And no I wouldn't reccomend doing this with all/any of the dogs here but it just taught me something incredible. Many times I look at other people as threatening, they have a rough exterior. Perhaps it is because of their dress, attitude, whatever... so I do things that will protect myself from being harmed by them (like picking up a rock to throw at a dog). What I don't realize is if I give them an oppertunity to prove me wrong I may miss out on a valuable friendship... I may never see past a rough exterior to a really great person. I've had to recall this 'mad dog' many times in my interaction with my co-workers and the students that I work for... so this encounter's been worth it.

So next time you meet 'mad dog'... realize that the bark and bite may just be a facade. Additionally, even if it isn't people, creatures are worthy of the love that God has instilled in us. After all, where would we be if God hadn't taken the risk to love us in spite of our bark and bite?