Discrimination

Renee – who is she, where did she come from, what is she doing here, why does she care, does she care, tell me more… tell me less… I don’t care

I am….

A filipino * An American * A young woman * A daughter * A friend * A stranger * A farang
* A college student * A child * A colleague * A mystery being revealed

Misunderstood * Arrogant * Ignorant * Confused * Amused * Energetic * Tired * Worn * Searching * Found * Overcoming * Just Beginning * Lovely * Overwhelmed * Excited *

* Filipino-ness - Pinoy

What does it mean to be a Filipino? To be honest I don’t know. Being in Thailand I think I have been confronted more than ever to consider this part of my being…. Being a Filipino. It is here that I’ve met more Filipinos than ever in my life – my coworkers, fellow worshipers, students and peers. All my life I have been Filipino but never before did it mean a thing.

When the teachers I work with discovered I am Filipino one of the first questions to bombard me was:

1. What is your father’s surname?
2. Where are you from in the Philippines?

It was confusing and frustrating… again the truth is, although I am Filipino I am 100% American. Now I am not trying to be arrogant but it is the truth it is the life, culture and way that I know. I grew up with my mom and half-sister (Both Caucasian – white Americans). So having people, what it seemed, judge me by such standards was so wrong and discouraging. Get to know me! Not my dad or my ‘tribe’!

When I was in 1st grade I had my first encounter where I had to stand up for this part of my blood, my DNA. Everyday during recess a black boy would always tease me saying, “You’re black! You’re black!” And in anger I would retort, “No! I am Philippines (the country!).” Even though I was certain I was Filipino and not black I didn’t know what that meant.

Also, being here in Thailand has introduced me to a part of my being that had remained a mystery for the last 20, 21 years of my life… this Asian-ness of who I am. It is here that I’ve learned maybe where some of my personality comes from that seems to stick out differently from the rest of my immediate family. It is also here that I have finally come in contact with my Filipino family, this January my father and his family finally took and succeeded in taking initiative in finding and communicating with me.

So am I Filipino? Yes… and, still, no.

* American - Farang

I have grown up in a white/Caucasian family. My sister and mom are definitely white. Even so it has never been a big deal, nothing that I’ve ever noticed. They are my family and I love them for who they are, not their melanin shades! It sounds funny but it is true.

Growing up people would assume that my sister was a friend of mine and would say to her, “Your friend (Me) can come too,” when she did something. We would just snicker and then break it to them that we were sisters. Other times Nina would be asked if I was adopted. Nope!

As a result of these “no-s” people became confused and older people, especially church people, would look down on my family, especially my mom, for having different dads/husbands at different times in our lives.

One cool and yet disturbing thing about my mixed blood is I get mistaken for being part of many different kinds of cultures. I am:

- Hispanic - Mexican - Native American
- Thai - Karen -African American

Many of you aren’t Thai, you’re Farang, like me and so maybe you can relate with the following. Although I fool people with my looks my once I open my mouth it becomes obvious that I’m not Thai.

* Discrimination happening within the family?
* Discrimination of gender
* How do I discriminate?

Sawadee Ka!

Sawadee ka! Actually the students wai me and say, "Good morning, Ma'am Renee!" and then give me high fives or shake my hand.

I stand every morning in the byways of the school were students must go by and join the Thai teachers in encouraging the students to continue using their Thai traditions (such as wai-ing). It is fun but I must admit that no matter how much I try to be Thai I will never be! I am probably a bad influence in teaching the kids to high-five and shake my hand.

One of my recent things that I've taught them is to instead of actually following through on a handshake move their hand quickly so as to slick back their hair. Um, for some who might not know this isn't an 'American' trick necessarily. I learned it from some Karen children!

As I mentioned before, I do have one of the best jobs on campus! But don't envy me...

Mission College

This weekend I went to Mauk Lek and hung out at Mission College with people my own age. It's really nice to do that. I love kids but sometimes I just can't relate to them the same as those who were born the same decade I was!

I travelled with about 10 other teachers from Ekamai and Rangkemhang (?) and one of the teacher's exclaimed since there were no students we could be 'irresponsible'. To be honest however our 'irresponsibility' was nothing! Oh, well!

Mauk Lek is a beautiful place with fresh air... Bangkok just can't meet the standard! It is not very busy and you can see the stars at night (another difficult thing to do in Bangkok). So my soul has some restoration time. I took night and morning walks and just enjoyed being with God. While I walked at night I saw a scorpion! And was thankful that I had not stepped on it as I was barefooted. And in the morning I was 'nerdy' and went bird watching - the birds are so different than what is in Washington state.

During church on Sabbath I saw my friends, Wit, Malee and Kanu. They are my Karen brothers and sister and I enjoyed giving them hugs and attempting to communicate and understand each other. I feel bad however about being here... one thing I tend to do is become a bit reclusive because I am afraid of the guys. They take to much interest in farang girls... too direct for me. I run away from these young men. Anyhow I said I wouldn't date while I was here but it isn't always a 'promise' I want to keep.

Lately, I have been struggling with myself in consideration of what to do next school year. I have considered coming to MC (Mission College) but I am beginning to think I should just go to Walla Walla again. It hurts and yet I get excited too. I am one confused honey. Oh, well that makes life a bit exciting!

On Sabbath night I hung out with some cool students ( Tressor, SPt, Maria, Vivian, Linden, Hannah, Toshi, Sandi, Sarah, Shannon, Teak, Sophia and a few others I can't remember). We took pictures of each other, talked, had pillow fights, cooked some good spaghitti...were our 'crazy' selves. I really miss that...

Till later.

Yummy Recipe

Today, if today was a recipe for Mondays what would the ingredients be? Hmm..

3 parts inquisitive questions from curious students
3 billion cups of laughter
1 sprig of challenging thoughts (add to your liking)
2 God learning sessions

Mix all of them together well until light and fluffy. Then set for a period of 24 hours in hot, humid Bangkok heat. Then dwell in it to your heart's content.

Part of my 3 billion cups of laughter came from hanging out with my awesome little friend "Bibb". I love hanging out with second graders and doing serious talk with them. It is all to easy to take these little tikes as just that and not consider that there is some incredible things going inside their heads. Anyhow Bibb told me some sadness of his grandparents, but also of fun with his family. He then asked me to write my name down for him and on my slip of paper I wrote him a word or two of appreciation (this is one of my specialities - words of encouragement). His smile was so sweet when he understood what I had written for him.

I had a nice God talk time with an 8th grader and another 2nd grader. It was cool, I love any oppertunity when student's inquire about God. On their own without my taking initiative to begin the conversation. It proves to me that God is working in his children but takes joy in using me to continue his work in this earth.

Well. Make sure that you eat some of the good ole healthy joy in this world. Consume yourself in it. Till later.

Dear _________,

Hmm... I really don't know where to begin and I am afraid that I'll end up being very vague. So my apologies ahead of time...

This weekend Holly and I went down to the Bamboo School. The kids like to sing in the secret when they see "Teacher" Holly because her name is similar to holy and holy in their language means slang/offensive word of vagina. So although its funny it might be somewhat dirty too.

AT the bamboo school is where I get my 'fix' of physical affection - the kids hug, kiss, box and tease me... but of course it doesn't go the other way! Okay, that is a lie. But the kids here at Ekamai are warming up a little more everyday too. I get hugs from the kindergarteners to second graders, some kids 'wai' me, others give high fives and a couple salute me. I have really fallen in love with this place and fear that I will be heartbroken when I leave. In fact I know I will. I am planning to work here during the summer... can you tell I don't want to leave!

That is my love life right now and it is a joy.
Till later.

A Letter to My 'Peeps'

Dear Peeps,

I don’t really talk like that! Anyhow, I just wanted to share some things with you ladies and gentlemen because I realize I have done a terrible job at keeping in touch. First of all I’ve reached my nine month mark… nope! I am not pregnant and giving birth to a baby! No, I’ve been here for nine months and I’m excited about that. I still love Thailand but love means pushing on through thick and thin (I love idioms). I really appreciated receiving the sermon CDs- especially the one about the greatest love letter of all (Jesus). London made me realize something that hadn’t occurred to me. Daniel and Joseph served God even though they were in a foreign land. When I walk the streets of Bangkok… I can now relate to these men better. When they first arrived they probably didn’t know the language, the customs, the taboos, how ingrained culture and religion were in everyday life – like myself! It gives me relief from the burdens I often struggle with considering these issues.

Sometimes I wonder – quite often I wonder – what difference am I making here at Ekamai. I am not organized (and therefore don’t plan ahead well), I am not a pastor or saint (though one student likes to say I’m a pope), I am not even a trained educator. Yet my best qualification is that God’s called me and said, “…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).” Before I left Walla Walla I questioned this and approached Dr. Paul Dybdahl in tears with all of my fears. One thing he asked me was “If I were to say one thing to you that would help what would it be?” I then replied, Renee, God is excited about your going overseas. It is His desire and wants for you to be excited too. Bad will happen but even so you will make a difference. Wow! I have to look back and recall what he has done and grin because I know that He is up to no good. I say that because I think God is mischievous, up to no good, after all he made mischievous boys who grin at you when they are about to do something ‘bad’. So I find that God reminds me I am not useless and my value’s not based on my cans or cannots but who I am.

Now I am ashamed to say I haven’t learned much Thai. I work at an international school were we’re suppose to speak English only… that’s my excuse anyhow. Please don’t listen to Howard Vandermark’s great Thai… he puts me to shame! “Sawadee Ka (Hello),” “Khap khun ka (Thanks),” and “Mai bpen rai (No problem)” are some of what I attempt but I will say that my English is becoming more and more broken. Is that something to be proud of? Not really! Even so some things irk me and make me smile. For example erasers are called rubbers – for me the slang refers to condoms. They use the word ‘banged’ instead of hit. So, I banged the car, instead of, I hit the car. Another one is the over use of “Of course”. It annoys the heck out of me! Lastly, the kids refer to faculty and staff as “Ma’am” and “Sir”. But the sir is said with a rising tone so it is whiny… the irony of it all is I no doubt look like a fool when I use my ‘big’ English vocabulary or my limited Thai! Mai bpen rai (never mind!)!

Want a funny story? It made me laugh anyhow. Currently, the High School students are having mock elections and are advertising around campus. Well there is this one poster with a woman body builder (nasty muscled woman!) with a picture of a student’s face superimposed on it. Well, the 2nd graders don’t know her and quickly pointed their fingers in my direction. “Ma’am Renee, we saw your picture up!” What I thought to me… and then with their help it dawned on me, they though it was me – that body builder honey! I was mortified… I am NOT that built! I like lifting weights but having more muscle that a man… eww! Besides many of the men are dwarfs here in comparison to me… whereas back home I’m average height. So I don’t know if you laughed but it certainly made me smile because I don’t get mistaken for a body builder everyday.

In my apartment I have decorated with student’s drawings and paintings… here is a couple of pieces from my ‘gallery’.

Thanks so much.



Renee